Her Again

She saw me when I walked in.

I felt her gaze.

But when I glanced her way, all I could see was her long luxurious locks.

They left me wanting more.

I wanted to see her face again. That pretty smile. That flirtatious wink. All of a sudden, my heart sank. I remembered her eyes. The way she used to look in mine. The way I used to look in hers.

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That ain't why you came here, Jon. Let her be.

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I talked myself out of talking to her, but my friends knew I was still crushin'.

"Go buy her a drink. You don't gotta take her home, but at least say hello."

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I know. I should, huh?

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My heart began to pound a little quicker. I knew I had unfinished business in San Diego. That was one of the main reasons I moved back. But her? I wasn't expecting her magnetism to capture me so strongly again. I thought we were done. I thought I had moved on. It had been over a decade since I lived in San Diego, but there she was again.

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Yo, man. You're a free man now. No wife. No more storyline of moving to San Diego to build a family and have kids. Your wife left you. It's just you now. The canvas of what comes next is blank as fuck. Do whatever the fuck you want.

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My thoughts were all over the place. I moved back to get my black. That was one of the unfinished chapters I wanted to continue writing. To study and practice Jiu Jitsu with Master B. New chapters too. To reconnect with old friends and tap into new creative spaces. To write my next book. To learn how to surf. To practice my Spanish. To be nomadic and live out of a van. To return to the city that had stolen my heart. But her -- I never thought I'd be looking at her the way I was again.

The strings of my heart were singing. Ehh, maybe just humming, but there was definitely some music playing.

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Could it be that there were more unfinished chapters to write... to explore... to... ?

Dude, relax. You're still processing. You're still figuring yourself out. Don't make any sudden decisions. Don't commit to anything you're not ready to commit to.

I'm not committing to anything. I'm just saying hello.

Fine. Go say hi, then.

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The beat of my heart quickened. My palms began to sweat.

I made my way to the bar and pretended to not know her as I slightly brushed against her shoulder. A flirtatious touch. I wanted her attention without fully giving her mine.

"Suntory on the rocks, please." Japanese whiskey had become my jam. "Oh, and whatever she wants too."

I looked at her and smiled; a half smile, pretending not to not know who she was. She knew I was playing games, but it made the flirting more fun.

"I know I didn't ask if you wanted a drink, but I saw that yours was empty and was hoping to sip and chat."

She smiled. That goddamn smile again.

"I'm Jon. Pleasure to meet you."

She kept to the role play and placed her hand in mine.

"Emma Mae."